Monday, March 7, 2016

Likesillitus Causes Major Grammatical Disruption

Like declaring that like is like overused is like really like insulting.


While I was like in like the airport like waiting for like the plane to like arrive I was like looking at all of the like interesting people. We will likely all agree that like the airport is like a really great place to like, people watch. So I like, did just that.

When I like got on my flight I was like seated behind like one of these interesting people I had been watching who I later discovered is like a recent college graduate (Let's call him like Ace and his conversation buddy, we'll call him like Bud) Ace like struck up a conversation with like Bub who was like sitting right next to him and he was like in the same like business this recent like college graduate was like looking to like get involved in after like spreading his diplomaed wings, while like spending like one more like big pile of like his parents' money on like some tropical like beach. So during like the course of their like loud like conversation, I like heard Ace tell Bud like just how he like learned to like change like the world with his like engineering degree from like this really cool like college.

Mostly they like talked about like the computers in like cars so I like figured like all by like myself that like Ace like wanted to like get into like the car-business. Not like physcially get in like a car but get in like the business that like makes like computers for like cars.

Bud, who talked like he had like been in the car computer business for a while like carried his 8% of the like mostly one-way conversation without like much of a challenge. Honestly Bud like appeared to like be like a bit like tired and perhaps like wanted to like sleep on like the flight, but Ace wasn't like having it.

Ace was like so attached to like Bud that he didn't even take like the window seat. Ace like sat in like the middle seat and Bud was like in the aisle seat. Most people like really find that if like the middle seat is not like occupied like one passenger sits in like the window seat and like the other passenger sits in like the aisle seat so they can like have some like space between like their bodies and will not like find themselves in like a flight-long armrest like struggle. But alas, Ace wasn't like cooperating. Ace like didn't move during like the entire like 2-hour flight, including like the 20 minutes of like taxiing,  Ace like talked like really loudly and talked like a lot and Bud like played like he's was listening and said like un-huh and okay like as much as Ace like said like.

This experience was like listening to like a drunk like attempt to have like a conversation with like a sober person. The drunk like just like continued to like carry on talking like loud and like really fast and like the sober person was like trapped in like the corner of like a crowded bar and couldn't like escape.

There like really is like a lesson here for like all of you people who use like to constitute 80% of your like chosen words during like a conversation. Like I don't drink but like I can assure you that I really like considered drinking, like a lot, during like this flight after like listening to Ace like use like one million times during like a two-hour and 20-minute conversation with like Bud. Bud was like soused at the end of like the flight and I was like not at all like surprised. In fact if Bud like ran out of like drink money, I was like going to like offer to pay for like all of his like drinks until the like flight attendants like stopped like serving like ice-cold Bud to like Bud.

Like you know like who you are. I fear that like Ace doesn't like have like a clue.


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