Screen Your Screen

I never screened calls. 

There were many times I wish I had, but I never did. 

I don't screen calls now.

Today, some creative screening is in order.

An unsolicited suggestion from me, to you people who cannot let go of your screen long enough to even have a conversation, is to Screen-Your-Screen.

When I see people sitting together at a table in a restaurant and every one of them is on their "smart" device, I am left to wonder, how smart do you have to be to put the "smart" device down.

We should all be very concerned about the relationship damage that is being done to people, who are in the same room, and do not acknowledge anyone or anything other than their screen. The device they are obsessed with is not the answer, even though it may have access to billions of answers. 

While you are sitting there on your smart-phone do a search on; The damages smart devices do to relationships. I did and there were 12,200,000 results in1/2 second! (I did not read all 12,200,000 studies.) 

The essence of the majority of the studies I read shows that smart phones are undeniably damaging to relationships of every kind and at every level. The time spent on the device is damaging, but even more damaging is the terrifying dependence on the device.

The more dependent an individual is to their device, the greater the relationship damage. One study found that a majority of young people asked, would run into a burning building to get their device!

Another study found that individuals, obsession with their smart device can actually make their significant-other depressed. Kind of like second-hand smoke causes damage to health.

Most of us know the world before these so-called smart devices and the world after, or as it is now. What about the impressionable young people who do not know any other world?

You don't have to look too hard, in order to place blame. We are what we tolerate. 

The example we are leading with, is that it is okay to look at your screen and not the person sitting across the table. The result of such behavior will manifest into serious unintended consequences and do more damage to relationships, than the cane toad has done to the animal population in Australia.

In 1935 Australia imported and let loose the cane toad as means to control the grey-backed cane beetle. This species of beetle causes significant damage to sugar cane, a major crop in Australia. Problem is, that the cane toad does not eat grey-backed cane beetles. What the cane toad does do, is secrete a highly poisonous substance through its skin. And now, the citizens of Australia, are paying for the unintended consequence. A rude awakening indeed. 

This society is in for a very rude awakening. Just wait until this screen-addicted-connected-generation takes over and we, who grew up actually shaking hands, hugging and looking other people in the eye, have to communicate with decision makers who don't know how to relate. 

We allowed it, we own it and far too soon, I fear, we are going to live it. 

Turn it off or at least turn it over. 

Screen your screen.

Make The Call

There used to be a feature during a televised football game called; "You Make The Call".

The program would air a brief clip of a play during a previous football game and the viewers were tasked with determining, based on their knowledge of the rules of the game to, make the call. 

The outcome had already been determined, so the exercise was just academic. 

Life is a great deal different. 

You cannot see the future so making the call is rife with uncertainty. 

One fine day I answered the (land-line) phone in my office and a very polite, albeit very shy, young lady was on the other end of the line. She introduced herself and asked me if we had any openings in the newsroom for a part-time writer. We did not. 

However, because she made the effort and made the call, I set a meeting and after that meeting I hired her, to serve as a part-time project manager and whatever else the operation needed her to do. She preformed admirably and learned a great deal about the stresses associated with the real business world. 

We did not really need just anyone, we needed that right someone and until she made the call and walked in the door, we were prepared to wait and tough it out without the valuable assistance she provided. Many businesses are in the same situation we were before I took the call. They do not have anything until the right person makes the call. Then they find room because it makes sense, and the business can make faster progress. 

Neither of us knew what was going to happen when she made the call. But both of knew precisely what was going to happen is she did not make the call. 

No one knows what they don't know. That is why demonstrating bravery and making the call is so vitally critical to any worthwhile endeavor.  

The relationship we began on that fine day I answered my office phone lasted a good while until educational aspirations lead the caller in another direction. She is much, much netter equipped to tackle whatever situation she finds herself in because of the valuable lessons she learned in this, the real world.  All because she MADE THE CALL!

Our Little Girl Got Married

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Our little girl got married.

We first met when she was five and I was not. I was considerably older and was falling deeply in love with her beautiful and remarkable Mother. 

After a short while, I fell in love with her. The kind of love that only God really understands. 

She grew in every facet of her life and I was blessed to be a part of that growth. 

Sure, there were many times when her growth took on the character of a curse and not so much a blessing. But she was more and more mine as time and life moved on. 

There was the day, as a little girl, she declared she was ready to learn how to ride a bike. And knowing her as well as her Mother and I did, we knew were expected to drop everything and teach her how. We did just that.

There was the time she declared she wanted to play on a baseball team. I promptly purchased a right-size and colorful baseball glove and was prepared to begin the basics training process, Dad to Daughter. However, a potentially promising baseball career was derailed when she announced that she was not going to join a team, because there was an unacceptable possibility that she might not like the color of their uniforms!

There was the time when, after a 7-hour ride in a mini-van to see my desperately ill mother, she walked in, sat on the floor in front of my mother, laid her head in mother’s lap and wept. All of the other children were outside playing, she was not.

There are too many experiences to detail here. Most are really positive and wonderfully remembered. 

Over time and life, I learned she has a will as strong as a charging Rhinoceros and a heart as big as a full-moon. 

Our little girl is unique and not just because she is ours, but because she is ours, she inherited many of her Mother's finer qualities and some not so much. These and the qualities she built because of life's experiences, make her unique to us and to many, many others. 

Some of that uniqueness was manifest when, even as a young child, she called her Mother Norma as often as she called her Mommy. We knew she was not being disrespectful, she was just being Adrienne.

She grew up into a very impressive professional. She had a really great professional teacher, me!

She is dedicated to her faith, family, friends, pets and very impressive new Husband. We are proud to have Christopher as our new Son. 

Our little girl getting married is one of our defining moments. We are defined by these occasions because we have dedicated our energies to get to where we are. This we deserve.

We are proud parents and proud in-laws. 

Our little girl is married!

What a Patriotic Show

We attended our very first military ball.

The occasion was honoring the 100 year Anniversary of The Warrant Officer.

We, as deeply patriotic Americans, were moved, inspired, awed and grateful.

We were grateful for many reasons not the least of which was the overall welcoming atmosphere as we, the  outsiders, were in the midst of a collection of really fine Army Warrant Officers and their spouses. 

There is nothing like it. The beautiful site of all of these dedicated Army professionals decked out in their full-dress army uniforms is inspiring. The ladies, were simply breathtaking.

The number of toast and the way they are done makes you pay attention, especially since you are the "newbie". 

Posting of the colors was truly impressive as these soldiers stood at attention with their arms perfectly positioned and their posture remarkably straight. Rigid and determined.

The regimented process was something to behold and the tribute paid to fallen soldiers, brought tears to my eyes. The bagpipes, played by a musician in traditional attire, was as moving of an event as I have witnessed in a long while. 

Speakers were impressive, on point and focused. There was no pontificating. 

Most people in The United States will never be able to share in one of these defining events.  But if they were to participate, their view of our awesome military would be forever and positively improved. 

We are very fortunate that we were invited and were really happy to accept. 

The Other Bucket List

There are only three buckets in the professional and organizational worlds and you are in one of them.







The Pro-Active Bucket

The first and most beneficial and productive bucket of people is the Pro-Active Bucket. This bucket is filled with people that have something to prove. These "buckteers" have a bias-for-action. They are risk takers and never run from a fight. These are the 20% that get 80-90% of the meaningful work done in their professional endeavors and their societal contributions. Without this bucket, not much that can be labeled as productive gets done. These are the leaders, leading themselves and now, or in the future, leading others, either by appointment, or by assumption. This bucket is filled with learners.

The Re-Active Bucket

This bucket is filled with people that are always in a tizzy. Nothing productive happens because of their actions, stuff happens because of a lack of their actions. They are always in a hurry and cannot tell anyone, with any clarity, where they are headed, or when they might arrive. Stuff is forever getting in the way of real progress and they truly cannot see the forest because there are too many trees. The "why-me" refrain is common and protects them from a deep self evaluation. After all, in their minds, the events leading to this state of chaos is not a result of anything they did. It is, what it is. This group has no time for learning.


The In-Active Bucket

People in this bucket are more often than not occupying bucket space because life is unfair. They sit around and wonder what happened and rarely ask why. They say things like; "I am doing the best I can." "I did my part and others did not do theirs." " I did not put myself in this place, the unfair and unreasonable business world did." and on and on. Clearly life is far too clear to them. And this life, the life of the In-Active is not a life of choice but a life of chance. Of course they will not accept that if they were willing to take a chance or take multiple chances they would either, not be in this bucket or be climbing out. This group will not let go long enough to learn.

You are in one of these buckets. Which one?

All I Need To Know

All we need to know.

There was a book published a while back that was filed with simple and profound wisdom. The book's title is; All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten, by Robert Fulghum.

Robert was largely right about many subjects but here is where I am at odds. 

All I really Need to Know, I learned from my parents, mostly my Mother. 

My Father taught me to never fear any task, just get to the doing. 

Mother had a way of teaching that was primarily focused on me (one of six children) because I needed more teaching than others. Call it stubborn, obstinate or disinterested, I was a problem child and Mother's lessons usually had to be repeated several times before I got the message. 

My Mother had a real commitment to my growth and the growth of the other five siblings. Problem was, I took most of her time and energy. She never quit. She would often double-down.

What I learned at home was what I took to school and into life. 

Some of the lessons my Mom taught me: to take the high road, to listen more than I talk, to get up every day and put my left foot in front of my right foot and walk, to be dependable, to use proper language no matter the circumstances, not to drink too much and never smoke, to eat as right as I could and only as much as I need, to love my brothers and sisters, to respect the USA and to stand during the pledge (because not standing was NEVER an option), that the teacher was always right, not to trust everybody only they who truly deserved to be trusted, to save, to clean my room, to get better at anything make sure you are hanging around better people, that expectations should be reasonable but high, that you don't have to settle for less, that just because you grew up somewhat poor you do not have to stay poor, to never stop leaning, to go to Church and to pray, and never leave the house unless I had on clean underwear! 

She always added that if I was in an accident, she would be embarrassed if my underwear were not clean. Still, to this day am I a bit confused as to the logic and importance of that directive. 

The point is that I learned from someone who cared enough to teach, even to the point of pain.  

All I need to learn, I learned from someone else. 

Teach or be taught.

Get to Yes by Getting to Know

When you want to get to yes. Get to know.

If you really want to get to know someone better and thereby strengthen the relationship for the right reasons, be proactive. 

Here is where you start; Ask what they do and why (the why is more important than the what)  where they grew up and where they went to school, what they like, what they pursue, their passion what they would like to do, their hobbies, what they dislike, whom they admire, what they read and what they read recently, their family and more of what you can sincerely learn. Ask; "If we do build (or strengthen) a relationship can we sincerely share expectations?"

There is a world of information available about people and their professions to they who are willing to devote the time and truly desire to know more about what really matters. The very best source is of course the person themselves. 

Not much matters in a relationship if there is not a sincere desire to learn. 

An amazing thing happens when you strive to get to know someone better. People open up, overtime. Ask questions and listen to answers. 

I could write an entire piece (and likely will) on what should happen when you ask a question. So here is what has to happen; listen. 

Listen with a desire to learn and that means you are not listening while thinking of a response as most people do. 

It is amazing what people will share with you if you ask and they know that you really do want to know, and you really do care about them. 

In a business situation take notes. It is hard to remember what you had for lunch yesterday much less the important stuff a decision maker just shared. 

When you really want to get to yes, you will get to know!

Learn To Read-Read To Learn

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I am a reader. 

 

The reason I am a reader is not just because I am in the newspaper business. Yes, I do read the newspaper daily. 

The reason I am a reader is because I have learned, by reading, that leaders are readers. 

There is a building in downtown Lawton, Oklahoma and hundreds of other cities and towns in America, that prominently displays that it is a Carnegie Library. 

Andrew Carnegie was a self-made, rich-man. A total of 2,509 Carnegie Libraries were built between 1883 and 1929. All of them were built with Andrew Carnegie's money!

Andrew Carnegie believed that the knowledge contained in books would provide the “industrious and ambitious” the knowledge they needed to succeed in whatever they chose to be successful at. He was not interested in helping those that did not want to be helped. 

You must learn to read, and you must read to learn. There is no short cut to this prescription for accelerating and sustaining your success. 

Most of my reading is business and self-help books. I read with a highlighter and the more relevant and impactful, the more I highlight. I can then revisit the books and reread the highlighted portion to reacquaint myself with those messages that meant the most at the time I was reading. 

A business book I recently read is:

The Advantage by Patrick Lencioni.

“Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business”

What I learned from The Advantage;

1. Companies must be smart and have great organizational health

(Health is the way the author describes companies that have a strong culture) 

2. You have to slow down to go fast

3. People in healthy organizations learn from each other

4. Leaders must overcome the tendency to run from discomfort

5. Conflict must occur, and trust must be established for that to happen

There is much more I highlighted, but this is a great look at what I learned in just this one book! 

Currently I am reading a collection of Harvard Business Review articles on Mental Toughness and it is very enlightening. 

Not all of my reading is business. I just finished The Lords of The Plains by Max Crawford. Max Crawford is an amazing writer. 

There are thousands of sources to choose from that deliver edifying reading material. It is probably a good idea to be somewhat selective in your reading material, but read something, daily. Ask your friends what read and what they have read recently. 

The positive benefits to reading are too many to list, but an expanding vocabulary is surely near the top of that list. And if you don’t know what a word means, look it up!

Learn to Read-Read to Learn.